Lord of the mayors and the Queen “P” haven’t seen fit to siphon a splash of Olympic 2032 action Logan’s way, so I paddle to think it might be time to run our own race.
Beijing hosted the 2008 Olympics and followed it up 14 years later with the Winter version.
So 14 years after the Southeast Queensland Olympic Games, we too should be looking to call on our new friendships in Lausanne to share our sunshine and spirit with those in cooler climes. A favour, no less.
Now is time to think about building infrastructure, sweet-talking judges, and oh yes – we’ll have to bid.
By now, you’re no doubt catching my drift. Logan Winter Olympics 2046 has a nice ring to it. Think of the benefits. For one, we’ll be an Olympic City.
Our multicultural food trail will be globally accepted as an international tourist destination, Station Road markets will have its own fridge magnets, and we’ll be digitising ourselves alongside a newly-constructed “L-O-G-A-N” sign spreading love to the world.
Don’t go getting all negative on me. Not yet. It sounds nuts. But think about it.
It’s 24 years away and the pace technology is moving, that’s a lot of time to tap the brains of whiz-kids leaping into their Year 8 robotics assignments. We’ll present them with challenges, and in no time, they’ll have the solutions.
Lots of it. That’s right, there will be some small hurdles.
For one, Olympic committee types don’t like to hand out Games to every Dick and Jane. They want to see that we’ve got a plan, maybe some infrastructure, and a thing they call “legacy” – ways we’ll use our new junk, er … assets, once the world’s best are done with it.
We’ll need help. Logan can accommodate most of the events, but a few will require some neighbourly collaboration.
Acacia Ridge has an ice skating rink. Short-track speed skating and figure skating taken care of. Grandstands are easy to build. Same for speed skating. Digi Roller Skating at Hillcrest is perfect.
We’ll have to build a track for luge from scratch. There are waterslides down the road at Coomera. There’s some complex engineering in those things.
Let’s bring them in for a night on the whacky juice and we’ll have the world’s first parallel track, beginning at the top of Daisy Hill Conservation Park with a very steep drop that levels out across the M1 to a finishing post in Underwood.
The course will have to dodge the Veloway, but there’s huge benefits. Peak hour was never so entertaining, with heats catching the morning traffic at 8am, and finals taking in the afternoon rush hour at 5pm.
Commuters would have prime seats, watching competitors through a glass wall which has encased the track in a massive refrigerator to ensure the ice doesn’t melt. Another problem solved.
You see, we don’t have snow or ice during our winter. Everybody knows that, except a couple of former presidents of the United States.
But the Chinese managed to make theirs, so let’s think outside the square by creating a mass of giant cool rooms which encase all the artificially-created snow.
Maybe it’s not real snow at all – just a whole heap of that stuff you fill bean bags with. Sorry, I joke. And I digress.
Imagine this:Â Onlookers could gather all the way along the track, dressed in boardshorts, thongs and a tracksuit top because that’s how we roll in Queensland, watching the world’s greatest sliders take their positions.
Global television audiences look on in envy as we enjoy a 20-degree winter’s day. Tourism numbers soar.
In fact, let’s encase all the events. Downhill skiing could start from the top of Mount Tamborine, finishing somewhere along the Logan River. That’s a lot of ice, and a very big case. Don’t worry, the Year 8s are on it.
And wouldn’t the lord and Queen “P” be sitting in their retirement homes wishing they’d thought of it all.
Wait. Queen “P” probably did think of it. A press release from her media spruiks said so. You see, she’s got form taking credit for the lord’s work because that’s how the minders play the game – waiting for a “terrible” idea to take traction before accepting it as her own.
The halfpipe could be built in Doug Larsen Park so skater types can mingle with the X-gamers. Surely they don’t really need ice to play curling.
I’m a bit stuck on how we’ll host all the events, but I can’t come up with all the ideas.
This is how things start. Some genius says it’s a great idea, a few hangers on scout for like-minded enthusiasts, and whammo, all of a sudden we’re hitting up the International Olympic Committee for tea and chocolates in Switzerland.
