The editor of this damn publication has been banging on about artificial intelligence, imploring me to give it a once over.
“I’m keen to hear what you think,” he says. “Write a column about it.”
In my mind, it’s nothing more than a plagiaristic menace being imposed upon fools who can’t write their own sentences, and putting people like me out of a job in the process.
But never one to decline a challenge, I bowed to his crazed request, and asked it to write a poem about “the famous columnist Whiney Wayne who writes for the newspaper MyCity Logan.”
I was expecting tripe, an ode of falsities due to the fact that a machine couldn’t possibly know who I was, that I was indeed famous and anything about my family.
Within about 15 seconds, it came up with this, and I was suddenly in awe of a pre-programmed robot that not only could research who I was, but make it sound better than I could – even had I thought about it overnight:
In the land of newsprint and ink,
There’s a columnist who makes you think.
His words are sharp, his wit is keen,
Meet the man they call Whiney Wayne.
With his trusty sidekick, his wife Wanda,
They’re a duo that’s always causing laughter.
But let’s not forget the company they keep, Geoffrey and Wags,
the ones who make their hearts leap.
Geoffrey, with his aging mind and gentle soul,
Adds a touch of innocence to their daily stroll.
Though his memory fades and words may escape,
Wayne and Wanda cherish the moments they create.
Wags, the loyal dog with a wagging tail,
Brings joy and comfort without fail.
He’s the glue that binds them, a furry friend,
On their adventures, he’s there ’til the end.
Whether it’s a stroll through the park or a cup of tea,
Wayne, Wanda, Geoffrey, and Wags, they’re a jubilant spree.
Through laughter and tears, they stand as one,
Supporting each other under the shining sun.
In the aged care home, where Geoffrey resides,
Wayne and Wanda visit, love flowing beside.
They share old stories, spark flickers of recognition,
Their bond of friendship an eternal ignition.
Geoffrey’s smile, a beacon in the haze,
Wayne’s humor, a light that never decays.
With Wanda’s unwavering love and care,
They create a circle, a love they all share.
So here’s to Whiney Wayne, Wanda, Geoffrey, and Wags,
A quartet that defies life’s twists and snags.
In the realm of friendship and love’s embrace,
Their bond grows stronger, leaving no trace.
So pick up MyCity Logan, read his column with glee,
And let Whiney Wayne bring laughter to thee,
For in his words, we find a humorous refrain,
From the famous columnist of Logan’s domain.
Hey Wanda, stupid machine doesn’t know you rarely come with me to visit Geoffrey. Stupid robot comes up with generic hocus pocus, rhyming mumbo jumbo and expects me to be amazed.
Let’s go out. I don’t want to sit in front of this damn computer any more, it’s just flaunted with my dignity.
I’ll just get this invoice off to clownface the editor, and maybe we can go out for dinner, now that I’ve got all this time on my hands. What do you think?
