I’VE spent years convincing myself and all those around me that I’m the worst punter known to man.
Rubbing salt into the wounds, there was an incident which saw Wanda clean up by choosing a Melbourne Cup 100-1 shot, ignoring all form, bloodline, jockey, trainer, weather conditions – rather, choosing the correct pony based purely because she liked the name.
So now, every year, I do a form guide on that principle alone for the big race. Last year, this guide came within a length of the trifecta.
However, do not use this guide to choose your horses. Do not bet on horses because of what I say. There is no science at all in this crazy look at the Cup field.
Gold Trip: Gold is for first and one of the conditions of the Melbourne Cup is that your horse must run the 3200m trip. But, it’s singular. And Gold Trip won last year. To win this year would make it Gold Trips, which it’s not.
Alenquer: Sounds like “allen key”. Handy for building stuff, but can’t out-perform a good electric drill.
Without a Fight: I know this one won the Caulfield Cup and grew up in tough British conditions. Them’s fighting words, but the name suggest it’ll race without digging its toes in.
Breakup: Anyone who’s been through a good breakup knows it’s not the right mindset to be focused on anything really, let alone the country’s biggest race.
Vauban: Sounds like an illegal doping drug. That said, maybe it’ll make it go faster.
Soulcombe: My grandfather had a lovely soul. Also had a combover. Couldn’t run to save himself.
Absurde: Can’t spell. Anyone who can’t spell, should be rubbed from the race.
Right You Are: A little laid back for mine. I want something that’s ready to chew up the opposition.
Vow and Declare: A previous winner, and a great Melbourne Cup name. If it vows and declares again this year, we’ll be up for lobster dinner.
Cleveland: We live in Logan. And everyone knows what we think of Cleveland, a dinky suburb on the outskirts of town.
Ashrun: Really? Its ashes are running? Good luck.
Daqianstreet Junior: A name I cannot relate to, understand, or respect because it has the same name as its father, it would seem.
Okita Soushi: Raw fish was never my favourite dish. Just can’t bring myself to eat it.
Sheraz: I do however, enjoy a good drop of red. If only it was spelt correctly.
Lastotchka: Anything with “last” in its name probably won’t win.
Magical Lagoon: Wanda and I were in the Northern Territory once where we went for an impromptu swim in one of their lagoons. We didn’t have our swimmers, but we went anyway. Ah, memories!
Military Mission: Given the world in its current state, a bad omen.
Serpentine: They say you can’t trust a snake. I’m good with that.
Virtuous Cycle: Any horse of high moral standing wins my praise. If you believe good guys can still win a battle, this is a red hot chance.
More Felons: If on the other hand, you believe the world has been taken over by bad guys, this is your horse.
Future History: Any horse that wins the Melbourne Cup creates history. In this case, that would be in the future. But how far into the future?
Interpretation: This one’s open. I’m fairly conservative, so I’ll say it probably won’t win. Too much wishy washy in that name.
Kalapour: Anything that’s been pouring drinks before a big race is unlikely to be in the finish.
True Marvel: As much as I’d like to tip a super hero to win the cup, we all know it’s fantasy. You know, “just a television show, kids”.
Tips:
1st: Vow and Declare
2nd: Future History
3rd: Magical Lagoon
4th: Vauban