SANTA’S always been ahead of the technology curve.
He’s had a sleigh that flies for a lot longer than we’ve had planes to carry hundreds of people and their precious luggage.
He’s way ahead of the space race and other flying machines.
I do wonder whether Santa’s out-witted us all by accessing a secret lab which releases all the techno-gadgets to the jolly old fellow before they’re released to market.
For starters, he must have access to anti-ageing medication not yet seen by any of us because unless he’s passed on the mantle to generations of Claus-family folk, it’s my understanding Saint Nicholas was born more than 1800 years ago, in which time he’s perfected and maintained the sleigh.
Or not. Gift delivery is now likely so advanced that the sleigh is hanging from the roof of the North Pole bar as a reminder to the way things once were.
I have my suspicions though that he’s probably ditched the whole chimney thing. Gone are the days, even in Europe, where every household had a flue fit for a rotund type who does a year’s worth of exercise in a single night.
If that’s the secret to old age, I really must stop telling Wanda Claus to take it easy on the baking. The dog can join me on the couch for 364 days while I figure out how to light up its nose.
Let’s look at it logically. Kids don’t write letters any more, but they’re hooked up to the internet, which actually makes the job of determining nice from naughty a little easier.
Rather than taking the kids’ word for it, a scroll through the search history of every child on the planet should have a fair portion of it covered.
There are, of course, children without access to internet for whom Claus Enterprises will just have to sit back and wonder: “I wonder what we did before the internet?”
Previously, the creation of a list would have to be made manually. Now, it’s probably an algorithm which, instead of being communicated to each elf individually, is probably exported into an app which then divides tasks to each elf.
The creation of toys is no longer necessary because the North Pole has learned from the economies of developed nations that debt isn’t such a big deal.
Mrs Claus as signatory to the accounts has borrowed enough capital to cover the expenditure of online spending with aggregated purchasing agents such as Ali Baba.
However, due to the inefficiencies of some companies to provide gift wrapping as part of their delivery service, he’s created a factory – probably built utilising a humanitarian grant from a non-government organisation, funded by the generosity of developed nations.
Toys are wrapped by robots, leaving the elves to enjoy more work-life balance and upskill in new areas of employment opportunity such as collaborative research and development workshops, hackathons and exchange programs.
On the big night, the load on Rudolph and the other reindeer has been pared back thanks to union negotiations in the 1970s for better conditions and equal opportunity employment. After all, what’s good for an elf …
Anyway, one sleigh-like replica is still hooked up to Rudolph’s crew, alit as it always has been as a token effort to show that reindeer participation is still a valued role in the delivery of Christmas.
In the meantime, there are other sleigh-like flying machines, each filled with advanced drones – far more state-of-the-art than the ones that deliver kale juice from the top of a local building – which deliver presents simultaneously to each household.
It’s no longer a full-night job. Maybe a couple of hours. Tops. Maybe it’s been like this for hundreds of years. Who knows?
Regardless, Santa’s always been a good manager, able to martial the elves required towards a positive Christmas outcome.
However, efficiencies are different these days. He now sits back, marveling at the wonders of new world technology, proud of the way he’s been able to streamline his operations, all the while staving the temptation of entitlement which comes with a world of more for less.
Hey Wanda! Can you Google how long it takes to get to the North Pole?
