I KNOW lots about horses.
But you’re better off throwing a dart at the form guide than taking my tips.
So, ever since Wanda picked a winning 100-1 shot by name alone, I figured that’s how I was going to choose my Melbourne Cup trifecta. It hasn’t done me any good so far, but here goes the tradition.
Vauban: As in Floor Plan? I figure if I can’t say it, I’ll have trouble letting the bookie know which horse I’m after. I’ll leave this one up to the linguists to sort out.
Buckaroo: One of my early memories of my grandfather was when he called us Little Buckaroo. Call me a sentimental old fool, but this one caught my eye.
Circle of Fire: When Wanda gets angry she starts to let a little bit of smoke from her ears. I think it’s funny, but don’t tell her that.
Warp Speed: When people name a horse, they carry hope and ambition. But don’t you think “warp” speed is just a little over the top?
Kovalica: Another one I can’t say. Is it “cover licker”. If that’s the case, anyone who licks the cover of anything is a worry in my book.
Sharp ‘n’ Smart: Exactly how I look when I head down to the club on Melbourne Cup day. I can’t take all the credit. Wanda has a significant say in which hanky I slip into the pocket of my sports coat, but pants, belt and jocks are all my own choice.
Just Fine: Win, lose or draw, this is exactly how I’ll be after a few spiked lemonades and a prawn cocktail. Unlike the ladies wearing high heels at the track, I’ll be keeping my shoes on, thank you very much.
Land Legend: I note Sea King is in the same race. I could take sides, but they’ll be trying so hard to out-do each other, they’ll forget there are others in the race.
Absurde: I’ve been called worse. Bizarre, challenged, stupid, and other less printable adjectives. But absurde is one of my favourites. Got to be a chance.
Athabascan: Who can? Can’t even take a stab at what this might mean. Not for me.
Knight’s Choice: So if this horse was chosen by a knight, I think I’ll leave that to him. Wouldn’t want to step on anyone else’s toes, let alone one of royal patronage.
Okita Soushi: I note on TV the other day there’s a thing now labeled “sushi rice”, probably because westerners are too thick to understand it by its proper term, Japonica rice. It’s also the name of a samurai. Take your pick.
Onesmoothoperator: Mid-afternoon, there’s nobody else around. I’m in my underpants, lazing in the backyard, accompanied by Sade. Bliss, but … space bar, people.
Zardozi: I’ve never been a fashion critic, so I’ll leave the embroidery to others. Not sure what I’m talking about? Google it.
Sea King: Refer Land Legend.
Valiant King: More my style of “king”, one who worships nostalgia. I never owned a Valiant, but I had an uncle who had one once, and he loved it. Can’t understand why hoons would want to modify one, though.
Fancy Man: Wanda calls me this on my birthday. Say no more.
Interpretation: Everything is open to this, so by definition, it’s an each-way bet. No?
Manzoice: A three-year-old that likely hasn’t yet developed its speech patterns. I’m assuming they’re trying to say “man’s choice”, in which case it can’t win.
Mostly Cloudy: Not here it won’t be. Much rather be at the club than the miserable Melbourne track.
Positivity: Exactly what we all need, particularly when there are too many Whiney Waynes around. Include this one in all your multiples.
Saint George: More of a Broncos man myself. They’re not what they used to be.
The Map: If you need directions, you’re in a hell of a lot of strife.
Trust In You: Nice that the owners had trust in their yearling. Seems a bit try-hard to me.
Tips:
- Buckaroo
- Onesmoothoperator
- Absurde
- Sharp ‘n’ Smart
- Positivity
