I’ve been admiring over the past couple of weeks the ability of seasoned politicians to make outrageous claims – ideas with all responsibility, and no accountability.
I’m not talking about Scomo or Albo. I’m talking about all those minor party folk without the luxury of an “o” at the end of their name.
You know. Katto and Palmo as they’d be known if they were ever voted to power. I do wonder why Pauline Hanson has never been given a better nickname than, well, “Pauline”.
Katto wants to give pensioners all an extra $100 a week. Great idea if you’re a pensioner. We’re already a trillion dollars in debt, so what’s another trillion, right?
I’m no economist, but I’m pretty sure the best way to control inflation isn’t to add a whole heap more debt. But who cares?
Katto won’t be taking one of parliament’s hung seats, and if he does he won’t be getting enough support from others on the bench to make it stick.
Palmo’s also letting rip. He’s seen how well the US economy is performing so he wants to introduce a 3% cap on home loans for five years. Here I was bracing myself for a belter of an increase, but Palmo’s going to save the day.
He’s also calling for a trillion dollars worth of superannuation to be raked in from overseas, instead to be invested into Australia. Again, a pearler of an idea. If it backfires and we’ve all got holes in our pants as a result, who cares?
At least we’ve got holes in Australian pants, right?
It’s like running for school captain and telling everyone you’ll ring the bell to go home early every day. Great idea, and a guaranteed vote winner, but not going to happen.
One of our school captains won after promising to ban homework. Clever.
It’s inspired me to the point I’d like to put my name forward for the next Senate race.
I figure the poor old Democrats have been battling to “keep the bastards honest” again, so if we join forces, I’ll have the numbers to form my own party. Well, “our” party.
We don’t have to agree. It’s a numbers game, and I’ll have strokes of brilliance they won’t be able to refuse.
Let’s start with the cost of living. I’m going to mandate supermarket giants to freeze the cost of fruit, vegetables and meat.
As supermarkets gravitate to canned items from exotic foreign nations, you’ll see supply pushed to butchers and green grocers which will create jobs and generate an old fashioned economy full of small business diversity.
Sounds like a winner, right? Why didn’t anyone else think of that?
Now, health care. Because we’re all eating healthier food, we won’t need as much but I’m going to introduce a safety net by making all general practitioners learn an actual skill – beyond Google.
We’ll have more specialists, and a higher chance of nailing everyone’s ailments. Genius.
I’ve been watching that show on television which matches old people with 5-year-olds. Let’s make it a thing. Old people can take care of little people, and vice versa. Aged care and child care tackled in one fell swoop.
I can hear you now. Where the hell have you been, Wayne?
As for tax cuts, just do it. Cut the lot and borrow up big. Nobody cares about actual numbers any more.
I’m working on housing, defence, NDIS, refugees and climate change. All serious issues, but let’s go for the vote winners first.
In other words, I’ll pull a politician’s rabbit out of the hat. I’ll let you know when I’ve worked it out.
The more I think about it, the better. I can sit on my own, vote the way I want, and let Scomo or Albo have their damn job.
Hey, Wanda. Pack your woollies, I’m keen to go down to Canberra for a while.
