It’s nothing new to say that some schools are these days banning peanut butter sandwiches from children’s lunch boxes, and what a travesty some might argue it is.
If something creates risk, the way of the modern world is to take it off the shelf. Don’t tell the anaphylactic kid to stay away from his mates’ bag of fruit and nut. Rather, tell the rest of the school to keep their nut-based cereal bars at home.
It’s a harsh reality, so before I get labelled a heartless old sod, I want to say I’m in the camp of the anaphylactic kids. Nobody wants to be responsible for the severe ramifications that can occur within minutes of contacting a peanut.
Banning nuts is a good move.
I wish we had this approach when the local publican decided to bring a few bottles of rice whiskey back from China in the ’90s. The stuff was so potent, it became a dare – or the substitute for being pantsed at pool for failing to hit a ball in.
They stopped letting pool contestants lower their trousers in the public bar long after Merle Thornton and Rosalie Bogner stopped chaining themselves to the Regatta Hotel.
It wasn’t discriminatory. The rule applied to everyone, but the women found a nude run around the table offensive – offensive if they had to do it, and even worse if they caught a glimpse of some of the dirty jewels being swung proudly through an afternoon session.
Fair enough too. I’m hard to offend, but I’m not sure how grease made its way past the underpants elastic. Not a great look in anyone’s assessment.
Apologies, I digress.
I thought it worth taking a look at the most common food allergies to see what kids aren’t allowed to take to school anymore.
Nobody really likes soybeans, aside from weight-conscious hipsters putting its milk form into coffee.
Even genuinely lactose intolerant folk who ask for soy milk are hoping the cafe they’re ordering from has forgotten to include it in the latest order. They’re happier to punt that their glands won’t swell up than they are to shove anything made with soybeans down their sensitive throats.
There’s more than a touch of sad irony that more people are allergic to soybeans than those allergic to milk. Anyone with soy intolerance has got to be the winner in that equation.
Remember when teachers used to distribute milk at school picnics? Nobody gave a Jatz cracker that some kid might have blown up like a balloon. They probably thought any reaction was the side effects of the packet of Fads they’d been pretending to smoke before the party officially kicked in.
After you got your milk, you got a square bun with a steakette, some tomato and a smattering of sauce.
Yes, there was lettuce, but most of it was strewn from the barbecue to the playground. It was probably the only thing on the menu nobody could feasibly gain an allergic reaction from, yet no kid would dare put it near their mouth.
I’ve been to the odd school barbecue since, and no longer do you get the steakette for reasons I’ve never known. Seriously, what ever happened to steakettes? Never mind, milk is a “no-no” these days.
Moving through the list of the foods which most commonly cause allergies, wheat is high on the list. I suppose that shuts out sandwiches, or naan for curries. No breakfast cereals, crackers, crumpets or scones, pancakes, cakes or pizza leftovers.
Eggs are a boilover, so no curried egg anymore, let alone straight up boiled eggs, bacon and eggs or egg and spoon races.
Seafood allergies mean fish, crab and prawns are out. The parents of a girl in our form class used to pack prawns, believe it or not, which sent fumes racing through classrooms on a hot day. Never mind the health risk there, right?
I’ve heard some say we had stomachs of steel when we were kids. Tell modern-day kids to eat more dirt, say those with the old remedies. Gets the immune system working again, they say.
I’m here to say allergies are a serious problem. And I’m glad we care about the kids who have them.
Ban food if you have to. Just don’t ban the celebrations that come with it – stay tuned for that related rant next week.
