By Jennifer Brockie | Host of the Survival Revival website and podcast
There comes a point in life when we have to decide whether the things that happened to us will define us, or whether we will decide what happens next.
For some people, that journey begins after domestic violence. For others, it comes after years of neglect, emotional abuse, controlling relationships, bullying, betrayal or simply growing up feeling as though they were never enough.
Whatever the circumstances, surviving is only the beginning.
Because eventually, we have to learn how to live again.
For a long time, survival can become a way of life. You learn to keep the peace, make yourself smaller, stay quiet, put everyone else first or simply get through the day.
Then one day, you realise you don’t want to spend the rest of your life surviving.
You want to live.
And that can be both frightening and incredibly exciting.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt or suddenly becoming someone who has everything figured out.
It means slowly discovering who you are beyond what happened to you.
It might be finding your voice again.
Learning to set boundaries.
Choosing people who make you feel safe.
Trying something you’ve always wanted to do.
Laughing more.
Saying yes to yourself without feeling guilty.
Sometimes rebuilding your life happens through the smallest decisions; a morning where you wake up feeling hopeful, a conversation where you finally say what you really think, a moment where you realise you are no longer living your life around someone else’s behaviour.
Those moments are worth celebrating.
If you’ve survived something that changed you, I want you to know that your story doesn’t have to end there.
Your past is part of your story, but it is not the whole story.
There are chapters you haven’t written yet.
There are places you haven’t been, people you haven’t met, dreams you haven’t discovered and versions of yourself you haven’t had the chance to become.
And that is what I find so hopeful about starting again.
We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us.
But, with time, support and courage, we can choose what we do with what happened next.
I am learning that healing isn’t about becoming the person you were before.
Sometimes it’s about becoming someone even stronger, wiser and more compassionate than you ever imagined.
So, if you’re rebuilding your life right now, keep going.
Be patient with yourself.
Celebrate the small victories.
And never underestimate how powerful it is to choose yourself.
Because your story is still being written.
And the most important chapters may be the ones you haven’t reached yet.
You never have to do this alone. Come join us on our healing journey at Survivor Revival on Facebook.
Jennifer Brockie is an author, advocate and host of the Survival Revival website and podcast.
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